Chapter 6: A Full Audience for Lies


Lunch has an agenda this time with Yeonjun, yet somehow, he gets to me first and proposes his plan. He knows how easily I become absorbed by the restaurant’s menu. He knows that I’d become sucked in by some daily special, and using that time, Yeonjun declares, “We’re going dress shopping tomorrow evening so keep yourself free. I’ll pick you up from your place around 7 pm, and I’ll be paying for all your expenses, so don’t worry. What else? Oh right, we need to practice your kissing skills.” All this time, I have been too debating whether or not I should try the lemon splashed takoyaki or beef tataki. I sort of half-listen to his words and nod along, but after I hear that last phrase, I jolt from my seat.“Kissing . . . what?” I belch out with a lovely burp.

Yeonjun gives me that mortified look before notifying me, “You don’t even know how to French kiss someone."

“Don’t you just stick your tongue in someone’s mouth?” I frown at him.

“N-n-no,” he attempts to muffle his laughter so I don’t chuck my menu at him.

“What? Then what are you supposed to do?” I snap like a vicious little bull dog.

Before I know it, Yeonjun leans over the table, supports the back of my head with his hand and lulls me towards him. I feel his other hand rest near my shoulder blade and then, he inches so close to me that I am zooming in on his nose pores at an angle. Press. I feel his lips rest on mine for a bit long that when I need to breathe by opening my mouth, he takes this chance to sandwich my lips between his. As if trigged by some catabolic reaction, we are locking and re-locking our lips as our tongues brush each other for the first time. He seizes this opportunity to push his tongue a little further into my mouth, but he doesn’t stay there for more than a few seconds. I find myself wanting a tad more and as I reach forward, he instantly pulls away and shows off a sly smirk.

“I’m surprised that you’re not bad,” he utters. “Just remember that feeling and use it on him all right?”

Feeling? That lingering feeling of wanting to kiss more? Jesus! What am I thinking? Why do I feel giddy and pleasant after kissing my best friend? Am I so sexually repressed that I need to target Yeonjun? What am I? I mean, I can’t let him take advantage of me like that! That was my first French kiss too. At this rate, he may as well bed me, and I’d be okay with that. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t even like Yeonjun like that. I treat him like a brother, but would I even kiss my brother? 

Argh!

“Ouch!” I feel a set of fingers flick my forehead. Grimacing at Yeonjun, I roar, “Hey! What was that for?”

“Time is precious, Missy,” he instructs. “And what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Oh . . . wait! I still haven’t yelled at you for doing that kiss just now,” I fold my arms and grumble. Yeonjun did that in public too with everyone ogling at us. Way to be a diva.

Sipping the tea he has ordered, he crosses his leg over the other and leans back in his seat. “I think you quite enjoyed it, to be honest.”

“Enjoyed it?” I jump from my seat and smash my palms on the glass table. “You think I—“

“Why I do think you quite liked it. You were even sticking your tongue further for more,” Yeonjun casually states. “I mean if you want more, I’m perfectly fine with—“

“No! I’m fine. All right?” I abruptly cut him off. “I’ll be perfectly fine with myself.”

“Sure, if you say so.” Yeonjun gulps down the remainder of his tea in one go. Then, he stands up and places some bills on the table. “I ordered the two dishes you were debating between, so eat up. I need to go now.”

“Wh-wh-what? But you didn’t even eat!”

“What?” Yeonjun glimpses at me curiously. “You want me to stay?”

“I-I-I just think that y-y-you shouldn’t skip dinner, no, I mean lunch,” I stammer like King George VI.

“If you want me to stay, then just say it,” Yeonjun bends his back over and sticks his face close to mine. “And if you want a kiss, then just go for it too or even ask.”

“Wh-wh-wh-wh-what kiss?” 

His face is too close to me right now that I can smell a whiff of his Earl Grey tea. I accidentally make a screeching noise with my metal chair and with enough force, I topple over to my back and almost flip over. Luckily, he seizes my wrist and tugs me to him. Out of desperateness, I throw my arms around him, which results in giving him a huge bear hug. Before I can escape, his arms surround me, and he whispers, “You smell nice. Changed your shampoo?”

I’m amazed by how he even knows about this. Last week, my milk shampoo finally arrived from Australia. I have been meaning to try more organic products after all, my skin is becoming more and more sensitive as I grow older. 

“Yes, but h-h-how’d you know?” I ponder aloud.

“Easy,” he explains as he still locks me in a hug. “I have slept on the same bed as you for so many times that I’d know what you smell like. Plus, I’ve been to your place for showers multiple times, so . . . I know what you use.”

Looking up at him, I mutter, “But most people don’t even notice these little things?”

Using one hand, he ruffles my hair and says, “Well that’s because they’re stupid. Think about it, Leia, I have known you for so long, why wouldn’t I know these things about you? Plus, I work at a cosmetics company, so it’s natural for me to notice what girls use in general.”

“Th-that’s true . . . but . . .”

“I really have to go now,” Yeonjun remarks. 

“All right. See you then.”

I watch him walk away, and somehow, my chest doesn’t feel right. This is weird. Since when I have I wanted him to stay longer? Then again, it is rather boring having lunch all by myself. I let out a sigh and stare at the waiter ahead. He has a tray of food, and two of those dishes must be mine. Why, at least, Yeonjun ordered food for me and paid too. Actually, he often pays, now that I think of it. That’s good for me. More money in my piggy bank. One day, I’m going to use that money to—

Smooch. There goes a set of lips on my cheek.

I swivel my head to my right, and then tap my cheek a few times. Immediately, I find Yeonjun grinning at me from ear to ear. In a playful tone, he chirps, “Thought you wanted a good-bye kiss the classy way.”

Poof.

My cheeks are steaming, probably to water’s boiling point if that were possible. Both of my palms test out just how warm my face has become. Oh damn. Burning. Absolutely hot. And there goes Yeonjun slanting his head to the side while simultaneously fluttering his eye lashes to act innocent. In a supremely feminine voice, he waves his fingers at me like a Queen. “Ta-ta for now, sweet pea,” he announces.

“Lee Yeonjun!” I erupt in fury and spring up from my seat like a little bunny.

Again, in his neurotic, feminine voice, he asks, “Yes, darling? You called?”

Because I can’t stand his idiocy, I shout, “Stop acting so gay and just leave already! Don’t just come back and kiss me and then expect to be irresponsible about that! It’s like getting a woman pregnant and then refusing to be the daddy afterwards!” Yeonjun is too silent to mean anything good. Judging from the direction he is staring at, I too look in that area. There, I find a gay couple glaring at me viciously as they are hugging each other. Sh.it. I just offended two male lovers, and immediately, I apologize, “S-s-s-sorry. I honestly didn’t mean that being gay was a bad thing. It’s just that impersonating a gay person isn’t exactly . . .”

After a ton of explaining, the gay couple finally understand me. That is after telling them my whole story. Luckily I have no afternoon classes for the day and also no meetings, so I can actually spend my hours away complaining. One of the gay guys, Richard, sighs, “Oh, so what are you going to do now, Leia?”

I’m sitting in between the gay couple at their table. It feels like I’m having afternoon tea with my girlfriends or lack thereof. Wonbin, the one with a long ponytail, pats me on the back as soon as he hears me sigh. “There, there, Leia. I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” 

Richard lifts his tea cup to his lips. His head bobs side to side as he states, “In my humble opinion, I think that Yeonjun has a little something for you. Sounds to me that he just went the long, weird route to try to woo you.”

“What?” My neck edges backwards. “That’s ridiculous! He and I have been friends for so many years! Heck, he has seen all of my bad sides and I have too! I mean, if he had a thing for me earlier, then why didn’t he do something about it sooner? Why now?”

Richard places his hand on his cheek to release a long sigh. “Sigh, darling. That I don’t know.”

“You know,” Wonbin says after finishing his last bit of cake, “I think this Yeonjun doesn’t even know he has feelings for Lei yet. He’s just using her for now.”

“Great. He is using me,” I grumble. “Am I that easy to use?” The two guys now nod in unison, which leads me to ask, “So . . . what am I supposed to do now?”

“Do what you promised to do?” Wonbin suggests. “I mean you did create a huge mess . . .”

Richard then adds, “Ah, I’m so glad I don’t have such a complicated love life. Isn’t that right, cutie pie?”

Wonbin gives Richard a loving look before agreeing, “I know. I know. I’m so glad I have you, baby. I love you.”

“Ah!” Richard squeals in an extremely high-pitched voice. “I love you too, baby!” 

He does that heart sign with his hands, which prompts Wonbin to rush over to his lover’s side. The two now commence making out intensively, and so I believe that is my cue to leave the love birds. To be honest, I am so jealous of these two. Actually, I envy any couples I see down the street. I shoot them my most malicious glares. Damn you, I think. Damn all of you happy people. Why do I have to go through this chaos? Huh? 

Right. It’s all Yeonjun’s fault. He knew how I would respond, just like what happened earlier today with the gay couple. He probably noticed their existence when we arrived at the restaurant. He wanted me to make a fool out of myself and then carry on discussing what has happened with these two. Wait . . . Yeonjun wanted me to reflect then in this case? Ask an outsider for their input on his behaviour? What is this? Nah, Yeonjun can’t like me. He already told me a long time ago that it was too bad that I wasn’t a male or else it’d be so easy to hang out with me. Yes, if only I had a Richard and two balls and some facial hair. 
Yeonjun and I would be brothers for life. Represent. Yeah.

Shrugging off that pseudo gangster vibe I am portraying, I hear my cell phone sing a cute theme song from Doraemon. “Hello?” I answer.

“Yo, it’s me, Eunhyuk!” Eunhyuk barks in a chirpy way.

“What’s up?”

“I heard about that wedding coming up this weekend! Pretty darn excited to meet some hot bridesmaids if you know what I mean. Wink. Wink.”

“No, I don’t want to know what you mean, and don’t go on a contest with Sehun or whoever to try to screw as many girls as you can at the wedding,” I warn him. “This is my enemy’s wedding.”

“Exactly. So we ruin it,” Eunhyuk corrects me. “You know I think I’m going to order some sex toys for the couple? Used ones from Ebay should be okay, right?”
“I don’t think that’s really—“

“It’ll be a hilarious and useful prank, Leia! Rest assured. All newlyweds will have tons and tons of sex!”

“But you guys aren’t even on the guest list, so maybe, you should consider—“

“Nonsense, Leia!” Eunhyuk cuts me off. “You’re a little virgin so you have no idea how important sex is to normal people. Seriously, Leia, sex toys are far more useful than what . . . wine glasses?”

I look down at the ground, thinking . . . darn. I wanted to get a matching set of wine glasses and that’s considered useless? Vera Wang’s wine glasses seemed like a good idea? Classy? Right . . . which is exactly the opposite of Eunhyuk. I lift up my shoulders, scoffing to myself. Why would I even bother considering Eunhyuk’s ideas? He’s too vulgar to be normal. 

“Ha!” Eunhyuk jeers pretty loudly. “Yeonjun was right! He said you’d get wine glasses! Yes! Now I win the bet against Howon and Myungsoo. They’re going to have to pay up for drinks! Ha!”

“What?” I shriek. “You called just to confirm what I’d get for your bet?”

“Oh fu.ck!” Eunhyuk curses. “You weren’t supposed to know! Fu.ck! Pretend that you know nothing all right? I’ll treat you to food?”

“No food!”

“What? Why? You got fat?”

Knowing what would happen if I admitted the truth to Eunhyuk, I stutter, “N-n-n-no . . .”

“Ohhh! You’re lying, Leia! You’re lying! You got fat!” Eunhyuk cheers way too happily. “How many pounds then? Huh? Did you break your pants too?”

“No! I did not split my pants! Okay?” I yell from the bottom of my lungs and pants after finishing my last sentence.

“Geez, chillax, Leia. I swear you’re always so uptight because you’re not getting any.”

“Oh shut up, Eunhyuk. Abstinence stops me from having STDs.”

“That’s just your excuse for not finding any guys.”

“Just you wait, Eunhyuk. You’re going to regret saying that,” I threaten harshly.

“What? Why? What are you going to do? Show me your boyfriend?”

“Why yes,” I tell him. “I’m going to show you my boyfriend at the wedding.”

“You serious?” Eunhyuk confirms. “Since when did you get a boyfriend? Was it your date from last time?”

“No,” I utter. “I found someone new. Someone better and hotter.”

“Whoot! You are on fire, mamacita!” Eunhyuk bellows with a wolf. 

Due to his encouragement, I start adding, “Exactly. Now shut up about me not getting any. I just choose not to have any.”

“Hold it,” Eunhyuk reminds me. “I’m not going to fully believe you until I see the goods.”

“Well, you’ll see him during the wedding.”

“You are being serious right? No lying here?”

“Nope,” I answer quickly. “He’s 100% real.”

“Okay. I can’t wait to meet him. Hehe! I’m going to tell all the others now! Oh, and you’re chill with the bet right?”

“No . . .”

“Okay, that’s good! I’ll get you a wine glass or something. See you this weekend then!”

Doo. Doo. Doo. 

Eunhyuk hangs up on me before I can even start arguing. I’m far too tired to dial back, especially when I realize how much I have messed up once more. Why do I keep lying? Am I the boy that cries wolf? Jesus. I haven’t even figured out who will be my boyfriend. Ugh, and I forgot to ask Yeonjun to do me that favour during the wedding. Now, it is impossible for Yeonjun to act as my boyfriend. What am I going to do?

Just get Suho to fall in love with me in a few minutes? I’m not that pretty or alluring. I’m just incredibly silly. Is that how you win over a guy? With humour? I mean the key to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so if I bake him something and let him try it out before I ask him to be my boyfriend, then he might like me? No, no, no. That sounds ridiculous. 

Maybe I’ll bribe Suho with some money. No. Suho is way too rich. Then, what about just kissing him on the spot? I think I’m too short to kiss a man properly without a short stool. Ugh. I have a headache now. Time to go for a drink like a forty-year-old man suffering from work would do. Drink away before I sleep. Ah yes, drink away all my frustrations. Thank you whoever that invented alcohol. And no, I am not going to be an alcoholic. I am simply going to drink for the sake of being sleepy. Sleep away my frustrations and like the pretty girl from Gone with the Wind says in the end, “Tomorrow is a new day.”
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